Hey everybody!! its just about 11pm right now.. i got off work at 9 :D. and i dont have to go back until friday :D only then i gotta work 3 4:30-11pms in a row! *Dies* Today was a fun day at work! me and danielle were so hyper!! brandon leaves tomorrow and coreys gone all weekend and im sorta happy everyone is out of my life right now.. i mean honestly. im fucked up!! i dont know what im going to do!!! my feelings are going everywhere and i jsut want to curl up, be a baby girl and cry!! lol!! maybe ill go see kyle on monday or something and break down and cry! hahaha.. i actually havent cried in a long time.. hehehe :D. anyways uhm tomorrow is gunna be a blast!!! i go shopping for my friends bday present and balloons and stuff, then meet up with syd and his friend, then go to my friends suprise bday party, then.. go from there to the buterfinger concert with syd and his friend! whoot!! :D hehe it should be super fun!! but im gunna be super tired after all of that. but thats okay! hehehe.. uhm.. i decided to turn this into a long entry and write about some boy problems im having right now!!!... anyways.. ive been single for about 6 months now.. almost 7. i thought it was almost 9 but i forgot i dated him twice.. hahaha.. but anyways yea. for the first 2 months or so after we broke up (slade) i was still majorly attached to him.. and still in love with him and i stil have feeling for two of my ex boyfriends. which was hard and confusing. but i guess you could say those days are so yesterday. im over it all. and im doing great. :D but yea.. after i finally got over him and realized that he was an asshole and just everything. i finally got over him.. too many tears cried over somebody not even worth a sorrow face.. GAWD I HATE YOU! sorry.. burst of the moment.. but anyways yea. if he ever and i mean ever shows up at my door ill fucking punch him and slam the door. you mean nothing to me. you honestly make me sick. and oh what i did to those gifts you gave me.. it wasnt an accident. i really did break them on purpose too bad it wasnt you!! i hate you!! i hate you so much!! but anyways.. yea.. and just boys and relationships have been such a big problem for me. people think im like obsessed with dating when i fucking hate people for thinking that. have your opinon of me but that doesnt mean your right.. you cant be obsess with shit like that you assholes. its a feeling. you dont control it. you dont know what i feel, when i feel it. so get the fuck away from me. but yea.. i feel smarter than lots of people.. some people are waiting for that "special someone" to come to them well you morons that person cant find you if you wont even put out the effort to find them, dont be stupid.. love isnt always a wish. you cant wish it to come to you. you have to look for it. i hope that makes sence.. well it does to me. and if you dont understand, thats just too fucking bad for you. but whatever.. ive been out there, putting my heart on the line, letting peoples emotions get the worst of me and i ended up broken hearted, not by people breaking my heart but knowing what i had done to people. yea that may make me a cold hearted bitch, well whatever maybe i am. im fucking 16!!! ive been dating since i was 12!! if you think im a bitch for not taking my love life seriously than ur stupid!! im still a kid!! and until the day i let go of that.. all this love shit is still a joke to me!! ive never said i love you to anyone in the way where it meant they held my heart.  whatever. i dont trust people.. the day i say i do will be the day i put my trust in you.  anyways.. i have a lot to say but just dont know how to.. lately ive pushed all relationships away. i dont want to date anymore until i know exactly what i want and can find someone who repsects me and my goals and will be my best friend.. and i want to be able to do the same for them. until this happens, dont push shit on me... :p.. i sort of liked 2 boys.. and i believe they both know.. one was brandon l.. and the other corey. :p.. i dont think either of them like me that way, which is okay. all i need is a friend right now.. but man did brandon ever push it.. told me he would call.. didnt.. told me he would call again.. didnt, told me he could do something.. didnt, etc.. he just pushed it. and i dont think his feelings for me are even true. because the first time i liked him he said he didnt like me. adn then the second time we did something hes like damn u looked so good bla bla and then boom yea i just wanted to cuddle up wtih u and i liek ya bla bla bla.. w/e save the lies. and corey.. hes confused with his life and so am i.. but i think even once we both get everything sorted out he wont liek me as more than a friend.. but i guess thats cool. i love freinds :D . so it all works out. :p.. uhm.. i dont really want to talk about this anymore.. and im going crazy.. i honestly need to be in some kind of hospital... im literally fucking insane... i feel nutz, if i write anymore its not going to make any sence. so im going to stop myself while im sort of ahead. thanks for reading.