Thats how im feeling right now. Everything i thought i knew about kyle was a lie. Everything i thought he was, he wasnt. It was all a joke. it was all a lie. and only today did i find this out. i was his god damn security blanket. he made me believe he actually cared. he made me feel like he actually did love me. that i actually ment something. but i was never anything. i was always nothing. and it kills so much to know that the one person who tried to make me feel liek something, truly believed i was nothing.
Today an extremely hard day. I dont want to give details. Im selfish i hear.. which i dont understand nor believe. I always put my friends first. I only think about myself when im alone. I constantly worry about everyone, im constantly thinking about other people. I tried so hard to look at it from a differnt view.. try and see how i am. but i realy dont think i am.
Today i was told that i will die alone and im so fucked up that nobody will ever care about me. That dug so fucking deep. maybe i am fucked up. maybe im not a great person. but for fucking sakes i hear from people that should love me that they dont i dont need it from people that are suppose to be my fucking friends.
I want to pack up all of my things and move away from this. Ever since i moved to this dumb place my life has crumbled. I hate it and i want to leave. yea, i may be running from my problems but it seems that running is the only thing that i do well. SO hey, why not work with my one good attribute.
Im gone. Have a nice day.
Love Your Secret Lover,
ashlyn.