For so long Ive burried myself from the world.  I let myself fall down becasue i was scared.  I was scared to let go.  I was scared to live.  For so long i forgot who i was.  Only being who i thought you wanted me to be.  I lost myself long ago and im trying so hard to get myself back.  Im trying to find  me, be me.  I want you to know me.  So im starting all over again.  Im starting my life from scractch.  I hope you understand im doing this for myself, not for you.  I have to do this.  Once i understand myself maybe you will understand who i am and we can understand eachother.

Im sorry to anyone who ever gave me the time of day and i messed up.  im sorry if i ever let you down.  If i was never there for you or if i was there for you too much.  *hugs*

So anyways onto my messed up life... Lots of stuff has been going on lately.  Ill list things because its easier...

1) Alicia's sister had her baby.. its a boy!! yay!! :D
2) Alicia gets to see her friend kyle who was in an accident. *lots of love*
3) Work is crazy
4) Brice's brother and girlfirend got in a scary car accident *lots of love*
5) The riders lost their game yesterday :(
6) My sisters soccer team won silver in their tournement
7) My sister won MVP for her team
8) We bought a digital camera
9) Andy owes me ice cream
10) Justin N, is still not worh my time
11) All of my firends are pretty much getting along again
12) Brandon lost his hockey game
13) Kory asked me out

Etc.. theres been a lot going on, some of it i cant put in here.. :s

I've been listening to this song.. Have a little faith-mandy moore.  I cant stop listening to it.  Its how im feeling right now.. Please, you just have to understand i need you to have faith in me. :).  Thank-you Syd.  I will never forget you.  Ever. 

I've also been listening to this song.. Our Lady Peace-Ive loved you all along.  I heard it a couple times when i was on the phone with brice and i finally downloaded it.  Its such a good song... it makes me cry.. i cant explaine but if you give me the time one day and ask me.. im sure i could explaine.. lots of tears and hugs but yeah.. haha. im such a girly girl. :p.

Anyways this is long enuff and i think im going to stop! Ttyl

Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.