Hey.. so time for an up-date i suppose.. I've been thinking for awhile.. honestly why do i write in this thing anyways?  I mean, people just read it.. rate me.. judge me.. but you know what my decision was?.. honestly. i dont give a fuck. im not forcing you to read this or anyalize my life.  If you choose to read this, then fucking deal with the truth of my writting.  I write what i feel/want to feel, what i think/want to think.  If you care at all then you wouldnt feel the need to judge my writting.  Thats all.  I just wanted to make sure everyone completely understood that.  If you cant handle it, then dont read it.  If your tempted, most likely you wont like what you read. Blah! im done. haha

Anyways onto life.  Life is so utterly and sickly confusing.  Im so sick of dealing with things.. First off let me start with some good news.  My firend Jasmine had her baby!! It's a girl and her name is Nikki!! Im so happy for the two of them! I love you both soo much! You mean the world to me and i will be by your sides till the end! Now for other stuff.. Blah! Yesterday at work.. it was long and boring and funny.  Yup~ im working on halloween haha.. we are allowed to dress up but i think im okay with not.. hahahaha. but yeah.. um.. Anyways so i heard some stuff through a friend that kyle (ex boyfriend) wants to date me again and make it work.  Honestly, not interested.  We've been down this road.  We both got hurt.  Im sorry.  You blocked yourself out of my life and i am not willing to let you back into my heart, i will not let you hurt me anymore.  Im sorry.  But that is all.  Another one of my ex boyfirends; Slade.  Called me last night, and today.. supposly telling me he still has feelings for me and stuff.. yeah im strong in mind and all that stuff but you know what?  I have feelings for him still.. of course i do.. he was the first, and only boy that i can ever say i loved.  I really honestly did.  And he left and a piece of me died.  Im still trying to gather this piece.  I don't have the strength nor the power to deal with this.  Again, im not going down this road.  Supposly he is moving back into the city... well that will definitely be akward.  Maybe i will just avoid it all together.. I guess all i can say is.. "I don't know what i want.. But i know i don't want you" <Quote by moi.  And it means exaclty what it states.

Im not ready to be in a relationship, not even close.  If i cant handle taking care of myself how on earth why would i let myself have to handle taking care of someone else.  Im sorry but i cant!  I want to, eventually.  But im not fuking up anymore.  If you honeslty want a relationship with me your going to have to work hard.  Im not going to let myself get hurt anymore.  No more games, no more toys. I'm spent, im throwing in my towel..