Broken Girl

Aug 22, 2003

WATER FIGHT!!

Hey! hahaha! Last night Erin came ova and we watched Chicago > kick as movie.. seen b4 but LOVE IT! whoot! and then we went and played frisbee and then we had a waterfight which somehow ended up down by the park cuz we were being SPYS! hahaha.. then saw some grade 9 people. Then we came back to my house had cookies and milk! whoo! watched part of chocolat and talked! fun stuff!! I always laugh too much when im with Erin.. but sa'll good.. After Erin left last night i talked to an old friend who i crushed on hard core in grade 9 and fucked that up so bad but yeh.. i was so happy to talk to him again. I felt like a 12 year old girl crushing.. i couldnt stop smiling! hahahahaha i know!! but still.. uhm.. yeah well my date to go for my lisense got changed to Tuesday.. *dies* GAH! hahaha.. but yeah.. im so scared!! but sa'll good.. umm i talked to brydon a bit last night. he got his lisense whoot! luv yas babe!! hahaha.. but yeah.. today i gotta work 4:20-11pm.. *dies* im gunna be DEAD! but yeah. hahahaha. I better go! Have a good one!
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash DarlIn.

Posted at 01:10 pm by crazydamage
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Aug 21, 2003

GRR sister and mom GRR

Hey! Its me! Yeah.. so um this morning.. NO FUN!! see a couple of days ago my sister had this incident where she had been eatng lemons like crazy and had lemon stuff all over her bedroom and stuff that she hadnt gotten around to bringing to the kitchen.. then.. while she was in the shower my dog went into her room and had a hay day! so my sisters carpet was liek AHH! and her bed spread was covered in lemon seeds and crap like that.. soo.. my mom freaked out and has been cleaning my sisters room for the past two days! But yeahhhhhhhhhhh... then this morning my mom and sis got in a huge fight and they were fighting and screaming all morning.. then.. i wake up and boom my phone line is ringing BUT.. my phone is dead so im running around to find all these other phones.. dear god that was adventerous and of course by the time i find these phones the person HUNG UP! physco bitches! hahaha.. but yeah..uhm.. so today i believe i gota go driving with my daddy and stuff during the day :p noooooooooooooo i dont wanta drive no more :'(. and then.. im renting movies with Erin! whoot! i getta see her! hehehe. fun stuff! but yeah.. thats today. Thas about all ive got to say for tday.. oh oh oh and jess and evan.. ;) LOL! sexing it up! whoot! JK JK JK! relaxx!! jeeezzzzzzzzzz! hahahahahaha.. <so cute together :D. but anyways im out!
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash babe.

Posted at 02:10 pm by crazydamage
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Aug 20, 2003

shoes are your friend LOL!

Hey Everybody. Its me! hehehe.. yeah tonight is gunna be fun!! Kelly, Kristine, Ashton, Brandon, and Kendell are comming over to chill and watch movies! whoot!! Today i went shopping with my mommy and sister :D omg! so much fun!!.. :$ i bought another pair of shoes!! i know i know!! dont kill me!! but oh geez and my moms like im throwing these ones out!! so im probably gunna start to cry! LOL! jk! but still.. MINE! grr!!and my sister bought these swede boots which i am SOOO stealing :D hahaha.. but yeah. and i got 3 shirts and yeh thats about all!! I had to help my sister shop for stuff cuz she SUCKS at it.. but yeah.. oh and i saw this really really annoying kristen girl working i was like *hide behind bush and SHOOTTT* hahaha.. jk.. but still i dont like her much! And yeah. so right now im just hanging out adn stuff.. and hmm.. i duno i dont have much to say!! hahaha.. Me and Josh have started talking again.. i dont remeber us ever stop talking but okay... we are talking now!! haha hes a really great guy, total sweetheart :D so yeah.. uhm.. I think im out of things to say!! but yeah.. so have a great evening! love yas much!
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash Babe

Posted at 07:38 pm by crazydamage
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Aug 19, 2003

DUST! no.. AIR!

Hey Guys! Hahaha today was *cough* interesting.. hahaha.. Kristine slept ova last night and then when we woke up we watched dvds and then i drove her home and went driving with my daddy.. then came home and cleaned the house which is so boring cuz' my dads like a neat freak so there was nothing to clean and hes like *pfft* DUST! and im like no.. AIR!!! hahaha.. i win.. :) but yeah.. and then i duno excersized and stuff and then i decided to just stay in tonight cuz' its been a hectic week and im really tired. I was suppose to go to the mall with andy for who knows what reason.. but didnt... was suppose to go to seans with lance, sean, seans gf, anthony, and some other people i duno... but i didnt.. and then brandon asked me to do something with him and kristine.. but i laughed at him! ALONE TIME I TELL YOU! NO MORE MOVIES! you two silly gooses need actual dates! :@ hahahaha.. but sa'll good! as long as they together :D and my night was going good ya know just hanging around and doing NOTHING! :D ah so relaxin. but then i got bored. hahaha. so i left and went for a jog and ran into some old buddies.. :p then i came home and my dad was next door playing some ring toss wood thing game.. haha with kevin n kevins brother. :p.. LOSERS! lol! jk! but yeh. then Ally came over :S.. she was playing dolls and stuf.. she just left :D *sigh of relief* shes a good kid and all but you can only stand so much of that kinda kid for so long. lol.. i know that sounds mean and all but i cant help it! she drives me crazy!!!!!! but yeh anyways.. she just left :D THANK YOU! haahahahha. uhm.. :p.. i duno.. im just gunna sit around and talk to people all night i think! tomorrow i really want to go check out some stores on brodway and go out for lunch, anybody wanta come? call me up and let me know!! so anyways.. i think ima outta things to write.. haha
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash babe.

Posted at 10:12 pm by crazydamage
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Physco Babble

Hey Lo! Its me.. whoo! haha.. yup not much is new with me. My friend Kristine is over right now, she is sleeping over tonight. We are watching Daredevil right now only im not really watching cuz im ova here and shes soaking her bellybutton in these salt thingys :p.. she just got her belly button pierced today. Which is cool. Today was a good day.. I got up.. did stuff around the house, got in some fights with my parents, went driving with my daddy, picked up my reciet, made an appointment to go for my drivers lisense on the 28th! ahh.. but thats gunna get changed because i have school and its the 2nd day!! hahaha bah! but anyways yeh.. whoo! more practice time.. im so nervous but everbody says im a good driver.. still im terrified.. but anywyas.. uhm.. then me and kristine went to go see uptown girls and then kristine drove us home!! AHH!! so scary! all that shifting and stuf.. ahh! i was so scared! but all together shes a pretty good driver! hahaha.. uptown girls is a really good movie!! whoot!! i had tears in my eyes but kristine actually broke down and started crying.. oh oh.. and THEN!!... she glued my fuckin fingers togehter!! AHH! fun stuff!! but aynways.. yeh that was today.. and at 8pm tonight or so when i wasnt here some kyle kid and a red truck were at my house.. but i dont know any kyles with black hair and red trucks.. so yeh.. :p im confused, i have no idea who that is!! hahaha.. or how they know where i live.. hmm..*concerned look* ah well at least it wasnt Andy and his gang.. ahha... anyways i betta go watch this movie now! so take care!
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash Dawl!

Posted at 01:04 am by crazydamage
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Aug 18, 2003

Love Shot

Hey! im back.. yeh.. so anyways.. Tonight im gunna go see uptown girls with Kristine and maybe Erin if she can come. Thats gunna be lotza fuN! :). And i started singing.. bye bye miss american pie.. HAHAHA! that song is in my head! and aww it reminds me of soleil and the ex when we were singing it! lol! miss you!!! hehehe. grr im having a rough time and i didnt make this little blogy thing to pout or anything like that. it was just a place to relieve stress.. so im sorry if your reading this and get mad at me for being a stupid person and stuff.. but i just had to write this... My parents are driving me fucking insane!! honestly i cant do this! i fucking cant! we fight over the smallest things.. nothing matters anymore! AT ALL! yesterday i almost fell apart my parents were fighting and i couldnt handle it so i went and locked myself in my bathroom and was pacing back and forth telling myself i can do this. but i cant.. Everytime we are in the same room someone is fighting, crying or soemthing! anything! i just want it to stop! and i feel so stupid cuz then i talk to some friends cuz im confused and sad and so fucking scared i dont know what to do anymore, and then everbodys just like yeh.. you need help!! ill help you! bla bla bla.. but the only thing they suggest is going to some fucking shelter or talk to somebody.. yeh.. i came to you to have somebody to talk to!! nobody takes away the pain, the tears, the screams, the scars. Nobody takes me away from this. They say they can all make it go away but if they really did care they could show up at my door and take me away!! drive me far far far away from here. Im sick of looking back!! I dont want to talk about my past and get pity on me and shit like that.. but im so sick of people juding me.. Im not going to tell you about my problems or anything.. but think of it this way.. if you think im a smart, spoiled, barbie, with a happy perfect fucking life.. Your so fucking wrong it makes me sick!! It really does!! If you only knew.... Id pay all the money in the world just for you to see what i saw everyday, just to feel what i feel every minute im alive.. just anything!! id do it all just to make you understand, its all an act, im an act, im a joke, my lifes a joke. Ok im done with my freaking out.. for now. :s... uhm.. well yeah.. Im really looking forward to tonight.. im actually gunna be able to go out and stop thinking about things.. im actually going to be able to be happy and smile and it wont be an act. It'll be real becasue being with my friends happens to be the only time i ever feel happy now.. and its not even with some of my guy frineds. cuz either they are telling me they like me and hearts are being broken, or telling me they are mad at me.. or bla bla bla.. the lies never end!!! i dont know what to do.. maybe james was right.. maybe the only reason im friends with all these guys is becasue they all think im easy becasue i USED to date a lot.. which is stupid cuz u fuckng morons ive dated guys that are known for getting ever fucking girl they have wanted and getting what they want from me.. i mean honestly i fucking dated slade.. the one guy who told himself over and over again he could get me to loosen up and shit. and i wouldnt even let him kiss me. nobody has... and you know what.. slade, if your fucking telling people shit happened between us well good for you, fucking make a shitty ass rep for yourself becasue i know how to fucking take care of myself, hold my head high and not let your fucking bullshit bring me down! so save it! jsut fucking stop it!
phew, now that i got all of that out of me i feel happy once again :p.. hahaha. anyways yeh. Again thanks for reading i love you all so much!
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash babe.

Posted at 03:01 pm by crazydamage
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Ima gunna tie this glowstick round my neck so ppl look down my shirt LMFAO! woo jess!

Hey Everybody!! its me! whoot!! Im in a good mood right now! hahaha. LoL! yesterday was sooooooo hectic! but in a semi good way! lol! It was Leslies suprise bday! lmao! that was so much fun!! but before i went to that i had to run around and buy her present, pop and chips, and balloons! hahha. its harder than it sounds!! hahahaha. Then i went to her party, left at 6:30pm came home got ready, picked up jess and headered out for the concert (butterfinger) i was sorta worried about the concert but it ended up being really really good. and they kept giving us all this free stuff.. lol. But yeh.. :p. it was fun! :D.. and that hot boy. HAHAHA! "hes hot".. " uh and he just checked you out" "WHAT!!!!" *smack smack smack.. frisbee fight* LOL! :D that was fun! But yeh.. Andy, Josh, and Justin showed up at my house and were gunna take me for ice cream but i was out with jess looking for a coffee shop! hahaha.. u guys loose. alls good! :D. Anyways.. yeah whatever happened to Syd and why he didnt call me the fuck up to let me know what was happening or why he didnt answer his phone, cell phone all fucking day.. it doesnt even matter anymore. i was so pissed off yesterday but i dont even care. right now. all i wanta do is not think! whoo! hahaha.. Erins back today :D and im so happy shes not mad at me and yay!! we can go back to doing crazy shit like LITTLE GREEN ALIEN MEN! omg.. *dies laughing* ive never laughed that hard.. ever.. SERIOUSLY! hahaha.. today me and kristine are doing something. i think we might head out for a movie if there are any good ones or sumthing like that.. oh oh.. :p my dad wants me to go clean my room! nooooooooooo!! hahaha anyways!! yeh.. i might write in here again later tonight! but as for now im in a great mood! dont make me mad or ill break ur knee caps! whoO! hahahahaha.. Love yas all! thanks for reading! take care!

Love Your Secret Lover,
Ash Babe!

Posted at 12:45 pm by crazydamage
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Aug 17, 2003

Burried Myself Alive

Hey everybody!! its just about 11pm right now.. i got off work at 9 :D. and i dont have to go back until friday :D only then i gotta work 3 4:30-11pms in a row! *Dies* Today was a fun day at work! me and danielle were so hyper!! brandon leaves tomorrow and coreys gone all weekend and im sorta happy everyone is out of my life right now.. i mean honestly. im fucked up!! i dont know what im going to do!!! my feelings are going everywhere and i jsut want to curl up, be a baby girl and cry!! lol!! maybe ill go see kyle on monday or something and break down and cry! hahaha.. i actually havent cried in a long time.. hehehe :D. anyways uhm tomorrow is gunna be a blast!!! i go shopping for my friends bday present and balloons and stuff, then meet up with syd and his friend, then go to my friends suprise bday party, then.. go from there to the buterfinger concert with syd and his friend! whoot!! :D hehe it should be super fun!! but im gunna be super tired after all of that. but thats okay! hehehe.. uhm.. i decided to turn this into a long entry and write about some boy problems im having right now!!!... anyways.. ive been single for about 6 months now.. almost 7. i thought it was almost 9 but i forgot i dated him twice.. hahaha.. but anyways yea. for the first 2 months or so after we broke up (slade) i was still majorly attached to him.. and still in love with him and i stil have feeling for two of my ex boyfriends. which was hard and confusing. but i guess you could say those days are so yesterday. im over it all. and im doing great. :D but yea.. after i finally got over him and realized that he was an asshole and just everything. i finally got over him.. too many tears cried over somebody not even worth a sorrow face.. GAWD I HATE YOU! sorry.. burst of the moment.. but anyways yea. if he ever and i mean ever shows up at my door ill fucking punch him and slam the door. you mean nothing to me. you honestly make me sick. and oh what i did to those gifts you gave me.. it wasnt an accident. i really did break them on purpose too bad it wasnt you!! i hate you!! i hate you so much!! but anyways.. yea.. and just boys and relationships have been such a big problem for me. people think im like obsessed with dating when i fucking hate people for thinking that. have your opinon of me but that doesnt mean your right.. you cant be obsess with shit like that you assholes. its a feeling. you dont control it. you dont know what i feel, when i feel it. so get the fuck away from me. but yea.. i feel smarter than lots of people.. some people are waiting for that "special someone" to come to them well you morons that person cant find you if you wont even put out the effort to find them, dont be stupid.. love isnt always a wish. you cant wish it to come to you. you have to look for it. i hope that makes sence.. well it does to me. and if you dont understand, thats just too fucking bad for you. but whatever.. ive been out there, putting my heart on the line, letting peoples emotions get the worst of me and i ended up broken hearted, not by people breaking my heart but knowing what i had done to people. yea that may make me a cold hearted bitch, well whatever maybe i am. im fucking 16!!! ive been dating since i was 12!! if you think im a bitch for not taking my love life seriously than ur stupid!! im still a kid!! and until the day i let go of that.. all this love shit is still a joke to me!! ive never said i love you to anyone in the way where it meant they held my heart. whatever. i dont trust people.. the day i say i do will be the day i put my trust in you. anyways.. i have a lot to say but just dont know how to.. lately ive pushed all relationships away. i dont want to date anymore until i know exactly what i want and can find someone who repsects me and my goals and will be my best friend.. and i want to be able to do the same for them. until this happens, dont push shit on me... :p.. i sort of liked 2 boys.. and i believe they both know.. one was brandon l.. and the other corey. :p.. i dont think either of them like me that way, which is okay. all i need is a friend right now.. but man did brandon ever push it.. told me he would call.. didnt.. told me he would call again.. didnt, told me he could do something.. didnt, etc.. he just pushed it. and i dont think his feelings for me are even true. because the first time i liked him he said he didnt like me. adn then the second time we did something hes like damn u looked so good bla bla and then boom yea i just wanted to cuddle up wtih u and i liek ya bla bla bla.. w/e save the lies. and corey.. hes confused with his life and so am i.. but i think even once we both get everything sorted out he wont liek me as more than a friend.. but i guess thats cool. i love freinds :D . so it all works out. :p.. uhm.. i dont really want to talk about this anymore.. and im going crazy.. i honestly need to be in some kind of hospital... im literally fucking insane... i feel nutz, if i write anymore its not going to make any sence. so im going to stop myself while im sort of ahead. thanks for reading.

Your secret Lover,
Ash darling.

Posted at 01:10 am by crazydamage
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Aug 16, 2003

Peek a boo

Hey! its me! whoo!! yeah way to go Jonny thanks for not comming :p! haha whatever.. um today i woke up pretty late and just hung out around the house and then went to work at 4 and got home at like 11:30. Brandon and Ashton came and visited me at work and then they left and came back with kimmee after their movie! it was fun! im a working girl and im sick of working and the creepy guy that works by our store came and hit on me and ths other girl on our break! *smacks* what an ass ma FUCK YOU! grr :@ hahaha.. yup so anyways.. yea. it was such a funny day! i couldnt stop smiling!! too many funny little stories.. ill tell you when your older!! im tired!! in fact i can barely move so attempting to write this was stupid cuz im falling asleep!! im on the phoen with kyle (my best firend) and brydon and kevin cuz they are listening in the background ahhaha!! and brydon keeps yelling stupid things!! lol and im listening to hillary duff!! omg i had such a good day today write my sex muffin jonnay! xoxoxo!! lol! that was the best!! i gotta watch jonnay! whoot! htat was great fun! you made my day so good! ive never been so happy ever!! boys.. ive got a song for you so yesterday=hillay duff!! im so over you. for now, u can go to hell.. I dont want to be in a relationship until i know its right and if your out there reading this and you like me then ovbiously the way your trying to prove it to me.. its not working.. cuz right now GAWD! i just i need to jog but i can barely move. but whatever. im so outta here.
love yas all much!!
Your Secret Lover,
Ashy babe.

Posted at 02:05 am by crazydamage
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Aug 15, 2003

I still have more to say ggr :@

Hey its me again!! wheee!! i just had more to say about today so suck it uP!! hahaha.. tonight was so much fun!! My neighbor and good friend (almost like my big sister, who used to be my best friend) called me up and asked me to come over. We spent the whole night catching up on stuff and i found out some really uncomforting news.. which i cant talk about in here becasue i promised i would never talk about it..but its driving me fucking insane!! and its calling out for a good 6 hour jog.. at the minimum!! if you know me at all you'll know that means its somethhing MAJOR! *dies* hahaha.. but anyways. yeah it was a lot of fun.. and she made this um.. what shall we call it.. healthy noodle stuff.. but dayam it was good!! yummy :D hehehe. and then we watched movies :D. it was fun! and her little sister is so adorable (ally) i babysit her quite a bit and shes a physco, smart, sweetheart and she kept running and tackling me adn giving me hugs! it was adorable!! I miss hanging out with tannie.. i think ima gunna call her up more often!! hehehe.. they used to be like my second family and then when our other friend started ditching us for her boyfriend ( a boy me and tannie also dated) we began to fall apart and drift away. Mallory had her boyfriend, Tannie has and had David, and i was the girl who could never handle a boy for more then 3 weeks.. so i was the one that was always with a new boy.. :p.. but oh well.. i feel like i have more expierence (NOT sexually u sickos, in fact for ur information, ive never even kissed a guy) but i feel like i have more expierence with my heart. And nobody will ever be able to hurt me again! so fuck all you boys out there who think you can hurt me, cuz you cant, so save your energy i wont be another name in your little black book :@ grr.. yup thats right im super woman... watch yourself! hahaha.. OMG!!! funniest thing ever tonight when we were watching jason x or something like that.. theres this hottie and he gets his arm sliced off. but im like WOW hes a hottie adn then when he got his arm sliced off tannies like WOW your hottie just got his arm cut off BAH! he aint so hot now. sorry.. i thought it was funny.. i guess yas had to be there!! But anyways.. im just hanging out now :p.. being bored!! oh but i got the coolest news!! it was my friends bday a couple days ago and we are throwing her a surprise bday party this weekend its gunna be awesome!!! :D and then off to the butterfinger concert!! oh and i got great news!! i getta see JOnnay and Nicole!! :D haha woot! :D its gunna be a blast!! :D i cant wait!! hehe well and of course syd but yup! its gunna be great! anyways im done with this entry! bah! hahaha! love yas all!!

Your Secret Lover,
Ash babe~xoxoxo

Posted at 12:18 am by crazydamage
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