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Oct 9, 2003
Its so hard to say.. why i care?
Hey. So here i am. Just another entry.. just another story. Another minute, of another day. Yup, thats right. hahaha. anyways. life is being so complicated lately. Soon though, really soon i will be able to get back on track tho. I made it to provicials for cross country :D.. hehe im so nervous!! *dies* and yeah i dont know.. Its going to pretty hectic! i got brice wet while he was timming and then he tried to get me back later but failed :D hahaha. yeah. i saw justin and chad :D good times good times. oh and i saw Jason too! whoot. it was fun stuff. distracting.. but fun stuff! and last night i got home and i was soo tired but i still really wanted to go out and have fun.. so i did.. Me, Jess, Erin, and Andrea went ova to Erins house, played some b-ball, then all got in Andrea's car and drove off to the store to pick up some movies and candy and stuff. Once we get out we still Gary totally hammered out of his mind.. and see evan.. asshole.. *cough cough* haha.. jess called out his name and i grabbed her and we ran away, then we realized we didnt have the keys to get into the car :p oopsie. and then we ran back got erin and andrea got in the car, just as we were about to pull away this super hot guy, george, that jessica knows from school was getin into his truck. Jess was half out the car holding onto the roof talking to this george kid and erins like JUST GO JUST GO! so we start backing up and Jess is still 1/2 out the car talking, i was in the back with her so i grabbed her legs and shes like flying around trying to shut the door, say bye to george and get in!! it was soo funny!! oh and we had some MAD SEX HAIR!!! :D hahahaa. it was hot stuff..then we go back to Erin's to watch our movie and stuff but we get there and we are like.. hm.. NO! lets go drive around... so we do! hahaha oh oh oh and as we are curizin around we see these guys and im like FOLLOW THE HOT BOYS!! and then jess is liek SHITT!!! its chris, tim, and Craig!! Craigs like 1/2 out the window trying to talk to us and im like PULL OVER!!! were like all pointing and laughing and oh geez it was halarious and then we finally all go into the parking lot at center mall and me and jess run off to go say hi to the boys and stuff and erin and andrea move the car (trick on us.. gone BAD! ahahha) and they go into mcdonalds to see if Kimmee is still there.. Craig, Tim, and Chris wanted us to go see a movie with them but we couldnt so yeah then we ran off to mcdonalds and found Erin and Andrea ordering food.. ahhaa ryan was working there.. lol!!! and erins like looking good and hes like *BLUSH* hahahaha! yes.. and then erin made sugar bombs.. LOL!!! and the SPRUCE JUICE and and and the sniffing of ketchup.. BAH! yeah.. we were just a little too hyper.. SA"LL GOOD!!! ahahaha. yeah. anyways..
Tonight is Brice's improv thingy that i am going to i was suppose to go to Erins during the afternoon but nobody is home.. my family ran away without me and my sister is comming home soon so i can't leave, i think Erin is pissed off at me.. but geez. on top of all of this i havent sleeped in a long time, i ran so hard so i could make it to provincials and everything i mena im just so fuckign tired. i need a break!! geez!! i dont have as much energy as people seem to think i have!! i work, school, cross coutnry every single day, plus i walk/jog WAY too far 24/7.. i need some energy left for tonight!!! i did promise him.. and anyways yea
Today, Chris asked me to go visit murray at lunch which i would have absolutly died to do cuz i have so many friends there that i havent seen in ever!!! :( but then i realized kyle would probably be there and im just like k no i wont.. and mike.. and just no, i would really rather not risk the chance of running into those FOOLS!!! but yeah..
I realized Slade really doesnt mean that much to me anymore.. I do always run back to him in my mind but its just because i miss what we had.. :p.. i dont even know. You never completely forget someone who meant that much to you.. ever. but its something ive learnt from and grown up from. I talk to him, and i just remeber all of the horrible times. I look at his pictures and remeber all of his flaws that i used to love so much, and are now something i cant even picture myself getting past!! I got sick of forgetting and when i finally thought about it i realized i wasnt trying to forget him.. i had already forgot him. This may sound odd.. i guess you would just have to be inside my head to understand, and your not inside my head so really, you will neever understand, you'll never understand me. Im so fucked up, im so far gone.
I guess i have a couple little crushes, not sure if any of these will actually be taken somewhere but there are feelings so we will just see where that takes me..
Im so nervous about making it to provincials.. im worried.. and school, is doing pretty good.. some of my friends are still arguing or not arguing just flat out hating. And blah, i quit! hahaha i dont know. Anyways, i duno. im spent! i need out of my stupid little love song world!
Love Your Secret Admirer,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 02:44 pm by crazydamage
Sep 30, 2003
Life.. so busy.. so crazy..
Hey. Its been awhile and i don't know why i decided to write in here today, right now. But i have decided i want to! yay. blah. haha. anyways. Ive been crazy busy juggling school, work, friends, cross country, and family. On top of all of that im trying to still have a life, lol. It will be alright tho.. tomorrow is my pre citys meet and im really nervous... :s... This weekend i have completely off of work and im really excited to hang out with my friends. So far, friday night im going to have some friends over for pizza and a movie and whatever else if we find something to do.. haha w/e sa'll good. And then saturday night im going to derik's party with erin, that'll be great fun. but yeah. anyways. :) im in an iffy mood right now.
LoL, me and brandon were in the park.. and SOME LITTLE KID HIT ON ME.. im strangely distrubed yet in awe. i dont believe it but it was cute. It was fun hanging out with my best friend! haha. KYLES MINE IM NOT SHARING! haha.. yeah good al' times. I've really missed hanging out with him and all those people.. so it will be good that i get to spend time with them this weekend. :) A look back into my life.. yay. hahaha. Anyways im outta here... dont really have the energy to write today.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 10:07 pm by crazydamage
Sep 22, 2003
Im sitting here, thinking.. but im not, becasue my mind is already made up. Im so sorry that it had to be this way, please dont hate me, but theres nothing you can say to change my mind, ive got to go away *fefe dobson* BUY HER CD its fuckin awesome. but honestly. wtf! he keeps calling me. When will he understand i dont want him back. i dont want to be with him. i wanted a friend. yes, he was my best friend. and i wanted him back. when i needed him he backed off. and now that i want to build our friendship back i keep getting the feelin hes only calling me and shit becasue he wants to date me again. why are boys so stupid? i just want a friend. no benifits. no emotions attached. just be a fucking friend. i was over you long ago, my feelings havent changed. i love you much. but ONLY as a friend. i could never love and be with someone who dropped me the first chance their heart fell apart. well fucking deal. im a bitch. if you want me u take me all. u give up 1/2 way through and... BYE BYE BOYFRIEND.. honestly. im a kid. i always will be. right jonny?? no, i dont understand what love is. i guess he has a point.. he told me that I ask for help but how is it possible for people to help me when i wont let them? when i wont trust them? well your right. its hard. but you dont need to trust people to have them help you. friends dont give up. tehy will push until you feel like u can trust them, until i feel helped. thats what friends do. they can help when i dont want to help. ITS THEIR FUCKING JOB!!!! ITS WHAT THEY FUCKING DOO!!! so stop being an asshole. anyways enough bitching im through.
Today was a good day.. except for i got super sick and yuck it was gross! cross country was awesome and school was alright and listnein to music and sitting and talking with jess and kimmee was fun today.. it was just overal a really good day. oh geez, and softball today was just absolutly halarious. i got a couple good laughs.. bah! anyways. i dont feel liek writting anymore i feel sick.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 11:47 pm by crazydamage
Sep 21, 2003
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First off, last night was no good.. i mean it was good but it wasnt. The movies were good, the music was good, the talking was good... but i think the only thing that brought it down was that he was there. It hurt to look at him. So i didnt. I never looked into his eyes, i was so numb. I just sat there, drawing, writing. Anything to keep him off my mind. To forget everything that happened, everything that didnt happen. Lance made me hug him last night. And it never takes more than that to realize i still feel uncomfortable with him. That, his hugs make me feel like im slipping away, that im not there at all. They always feel the same, i should stop feeling. You know.. people tell me im strong, that i can get through this.. but how can you possibly be strong when you have to look into someones broken heart? When you think back remeber what you did to them, remeber what they did to you.. how can you be strong when you'd rather be dead then let this just pass you by? How do you let something like this just stop. Asking me to be strong with this is like holding a gun to my head and telling me if im strong it wont hurt. Im sick of being strong, im sick of covering everything up.. i dont want to smile on the outside and cry on the inside.. i dont want to cry on the outside and laugh on the inside... i dont want to look at you.. i dont want to feel you.. i dont want these tears here anymore. I get to the point where i wish that i will never wake up again, im sick, im sick of waking up!!
My mom called my cell last night when i was ova at jess's.. and i could tell she had been crying.. as always, her and my dad fighting about some random bullshit and i get dragged into it. I didnt want to deal with it. I got in the car, put my headphones on, and blasted my uncle's cd and watched the cars pass us by. Never saying a single word to her, nor to my dad when i walked in the door. I went to my room, through my stuff, ran downstairs tried to talk to someone, but nobody was on msn.. too late to call anybody who would care. I put in a movie and lay on the couch in tears. I heard them yelling and i just turned the tv louder, finally silence. they went to bed, surely they were yelling in their room but i was 2 floors below them and blasting my tv that i had zoned out of life. Today she asked me for a hug (my mom) i gave her a hug.. all i wanted to do was leave. I went upstairs last night to grab my pjs, and the second my mom heard my closet open she ran out of her bedroom, they always think im going to run away. Maybe i will.. you just wait and see. One day your going to wake up and ill be so far gone you'll never see me again. I used to think about running away, running back home, never comming back. Dieing there. It would be all their fault. It wasnt me who did this to myself, NO, becasue ive learnt that this is no longer my fault. That im not the one that screwed up. i used to think it was me, it was always me, but it wasnt. THis isnt and was never my fault. Your the ones that fucked up, your the reason im the BITCH i am today. But i have also learnt, that running away is no longer my answer. The day i graduate will be the day i pack up and leave. What do you think about that?? No more tears will be cried.. becacue you, you will have been just another page to my story of my past that ive zoned out of. It never happened, you never happened.
Why do people constantly want me to trust them? Why do people want me to love them.. ? Why cant you just understand this is not me. Every fucking person i have ever loved and trusted has fucking left me, it never ever fucking fails. So why bother? Why let myself feel so un wanted? Why do this to myself when i can build a bubble around myself, why would i let people touch me when i dont need it. I dont need to be wanted, i dont need to be loved. Love is not a need, its a want. Yes, a piece of me wants to be loved.. yes it would be nice to wake up and not be so alone. But im not going to let anyone get to me easily. If you want me, if you want me to love you, if you want to love me, your going to have to put a fight. Im not as easy as you want me to be. you have to really want me. Ill push and ill scream, ill cry and ill hurt but in the end if your still there, ill promise you, i will never ever leave you. The day i put my trust in you is the day i say i do.
I have decided that is what i want:
It is amazing to see
That You chose people like me
Who get off track, fall, crashin' down to the ground
But that's when You pick me up
And show Your strength is enough
You can use a broken heart to heal a broken life
Anyways enough bitching and moaning for a bit. I will most likely write back soon. But for now i gotta to run.
This is a picture of my hero (stacie orrico) her music is fucking insanely awesome, and so much i can relate to..
Anyways thats all for now. Tagg me if you feel the urge to tell me how fucked up i am and how much help i need. Thanks.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 11:32 am by crazydamage
Sep 19, 2003
Hey. This is gunna be as long as i have time for.. prolly really short. I have to go work soon.. i work 5-11 tonight :(. Its gunna suck but its the only time i have to work all weekend so its gunna be alright.
Today was our last day of golf.. THANK YOU!! haha.. sorry.. im not a fan of the driving range thing everyday for a week.. it gets really boring.. we finally did some putting and stuff and that was alright, i wouldnt mind actually playing a real game but i would probably get bored and quit like 10min in. hahaha. oh well. we will see!!
Anyways, today was a barely okay day.. i was having a really tough time dealing with some stuff but shh.. i dont want to write it in here just in case someone comes across it and reads it and shit. But just a lot of stuff has been getting to me lately.. especially what jen told me in bio today.. and yesterday walking to the mall.. that wasnt cool either. (i went shopping yesterday.. bought the cutest belt ever haha) but yeah. just everything seems to hurt me in some way becasue its bringing back stuff i thought meant nothing to me. ..
Today in journalism i fell alseep.. i havent been sleeping a lot lately and i just like pass out in all of my classes. It hurts to stay awake but when im home i cant sleep. Its almost like im scared to sleep alone. If i fall asleep in class there are people around me and its not so hard to cope with you know? but when im all alone in my room and i close my eyes i feel like i might never wake up..somethings really wrong wtih me.. i think i should see a doctor.
Anyways, cross country was cancelled yesterday cuz' coach wasnt there and today i couldnt go becasue i have to go to work real soon and shit and i dont get off till 11 and my parents dont like me running around alone at that time so im sorta screwed for practicing these past 2 days i will have to go for a real long run tomorrow.
Tomorrow is gunna be a good day.. busy but good.. I have plans with Erin and Andrea to go to a movie tomorrow afternoon (remind me to call andrea or remind me to tell erin to call her).. and yea then later on im suppose to be doing soemthing with jess, lance and possibly kyle.. :s.. that'll be unique.. hahaha..
Anyways i have to go get ready for work. Might post later if i get the chance.. but doubtful. Have a good night
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
baby i miss you ... :(
Posted at 06:10 pm by crazydamage
Sep 16, 2003
HOW MUCH DO YOU LOOOOOOOOVE ME?
Lalala.. listening to paper bag-fiona apple. yay! one of my favorites :D. Anyways its 9:45 and i just got off work at 9 but didnt get home till 9:30 cuz' me n mom went to mcd's to get fries and stuff.. nikky.. HOW MUCH DO YOU LOOOOOOOOVE ME hahahahaha yes i win. Lmfao.. today at work.. blah.. way to go take my clean cuttlery *evil look* hahaha.. *air stabs me with fork..* soo un classy. bah! but i love ya. haha. anyways. yeah. today was an alright day. :). I was super tired and some of my firends are drving me up the insane wall.. yes Catlin i will end up in the same british instituion of the INSANE with your aunty. Yes. Deal with it. Maybe it is what i want. bah! i showed u.. didnt i? ahha.a. jk! love ya girl! hahaha.. i got sooo sick today in teh afternoon maybe it was becasue i was so hyper at lunch or maybe i was just out of it from being outside for an hour and a bit when it was so cold.. and GOLFING. bah! so boring. hahaha. but yeah... hahaha. it's all good. uhm.. i duno.. but even judith said i looked really sick.. i was like falling asleep in 4th and 5th, i couldnt concentrate, all i wanted to do was lay down.. how nice it would be to just fall into your arms and die. haha.. yeh.. oh well its all good..
Tomorrow is my 1st real cross country meet and its at defenbaker.. yeh. it should be good.. but im gunna go stretch out and get ready for my big run tomorrow.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 11:48 pm by crazydamage
Sep 15, 2003
Hey. Blah.. Todays been an interesting show.. im watching a Re-run of OC and all i can think about is near the end where he comes out and shes liek your too late.. it keeps running through my head and reminding me of some boy related issues of my own.. and some of my past which i don't feel liek talking about.. but lets just say, it is NOT bringing back good times. Anyways. yeah. Ashley called me a couple nights ago. Havent talked to her since this summer so that was cool.. umm, i think im going to stay in tonight. Maybe call up some friends, do some homework..
I talked to Brice today.. and i found some stuff out which is good and all.. but blah.. its confusing.. supposly im shy around him which is true i guess when im around him cuz i duno.. its always really rushed and stuff. :s blah! haha.. but im really not shy right guys? lol! today at school!.. oh god. i honestly ran laps around our school i was so hyper. and then i had cross country after school. i guess you could say that my hyperness for today is officially shot.. FOR NOW! anyways.. the new oc is comming on soon and i gotta finish my homework. so i will write more later.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
ps: my sister was with a boy today.. MY SISTER IS A SLUT! bah! jk! oh oh oh.. and and and... "screw boys, we need ice cream.. with a side order of hot boys.. TO GO"" i dont want to go anywhere with the boys.. unless its to my room" bah. me and erin have to much fun! yes! oh oh oh.. and actually ill save some for a different day. haha
Lata.
Posted at 09:01 pm by crazydamage
Sep 14, 2003
Chocolate Milk.. is NOT your friend. LOL.
Hey! whats going on?! today was a bitch *dies* i had to work 8am-3pm meaning up at like 6am *crys* it was like a fucking school day.. only harder. plus constant running around (we were soo packed) omg. it was crazy!! and i was so tired i even made a couple cups of coffee.. WITHOUT THE COFFEE.. oopsie.. *blush* shut up! i was so tired.
Anyways then i come home and my sister made me this snack.. so cute! haha.. but yeh then i spilled chocolate milk all over our couch upstairs.. lol! so me and my sister spent like an hour cleaning the couch! omg.. too many laughs.. haha "oh no.. u spilt is on the carpet" "OH NO> ITS IN MY PANTS" *runs upstairs* lmfaO! and and "u know ur clothes are gunna be ruined" "NO THEY WONT" "what color were they" "well.. my shirt was white" LOL that was good. yeh. u had to be there. but we laughed. it was fun!! :D..
Anyways now im super sore cuz' i walked home from work and i worked hard core for 7 hours.. blah! its been a nutzo day! but now im home :D and it feels so good. but im guna go eat and stuff and then study for my math test tomorrow. ahh i so hope i do good.. *nervouS*
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Ps: MAtt, i warned u once, i warned u twice, contact me again and ill put you in jail for the rest of ur pathetic life, u asshole.
Posted at 07:36 pm by crazydamage
Dont Let Anyone Make You Feel Like You Dont Deserve What You Want
Hey everyone. Man today wasnt that great of a day and its not getting better.. :(. I had plans and back up plans tonight and you know what? both didnt happen.. w/e.. Lance said he would talk to kyle tomorrow.. so i think that might be good but i havent decided if it will be or not.. im so clueless.. i dont know what i want. I think i do and then i do something stupid and everything gets fucked over. I just wish for once i knew exactly what i wanted. My friends are all being losers and fighting with one and another. If they arent fighting they are just generally being bitchy, drinking, doing something that i dont have the strength to deal with. I promised myself this year would be different. I would take care of everyone, i would try and make everyone happy and ignore the troubles and pain. But that was stupid, becasue you cant ignore what pepople are. You cant pretend like whats happening isnt really happening becasue in the end it makes you a weakier person. and this is how i feel right now. I feel weak, useless, un wanted, stupid, in fact to sum it all up i feel like a stupid girly girl.
All i want to do is sit around and cry.. wtf is wrong with me.. its un explainable.. im un explainable. Im crying, im drawing, im writting songs, im reading.. this may sound normal. But if you knew me well enough you would understand that these are my passions but they are also something i do when im about to break down. They are at the begining of my insanity...
Wtf is wrong with me.. honestly please someone help me!!! Im screaming.. Im crying.. I need you, i need someone, i need anyone. I cant deal with this anymore. I feel so alone, yet your standing right in front of me. I want to grab a hold of you. I want to hold onto you for the rest of my life, i want to die in your arms. You hold out your arms out to me and i run away.. this is what im thinking about right now.. dreaming about my past.. anxious for my future, but im so afraid.. I feel like the only thing that is doing be any good is my cross country running becasue its my stress reliever and it helps me run from my problems.its how i deal. and my job.
I need to get out of here and think. But before i go i decided to do a survey so here ya go:
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1. Being alone
2. Never loving again
3. Bugs
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
1. Erin
2. Jonny
3. Justin
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
1. Rain (before, and after)
2. Seeing people smile
3. My journal and my pictures
THREE THINGS I DISLIKE:
1. chapped lips
2. un painted toe nails
3. the boy who broke my heart.
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
1. Love
2. Myself
3. Why she had to die.. i miss you so much!! Rest in Peace my angel..:( i love you.
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
1. Listening to Vanessa Carlton-twiilight
2. Watching the tv without the noise on
3. Crying
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. Travel the world.
2. Skydive
3. Fall in love
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
1. write fucked up stuff that hardly anyone understands
2. help people through shit because ive been through a lot of stuff that nobody knows about and most likely never will. im a very secrative person.
3. Be mentally strong
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
1. Scattered
2. Un believable
3. Scary
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE TO DO:
1. Be alone
2. Stay inside
3. Remeber.. things.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. Spagetti
2. All pasta
3. Perogies
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
1. How to stop while snowboardin haha
2. How to wake board
3. To fly a plane
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
1. Coffee
2. Iced Tea
3. Vodka
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED AS A KID:
1. I love lucy
2. Garfield
3. Lavern and Shirely
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME:
1. Crazy/Beautiful
2. White Oleander
3. Dirty Dancing
Alright so thats all ive got for you today. :) Run and hide.
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn.
Posted at 12:02 am by crazydamage
Sep 12, 2003
Hey everyone.. Not much news.. Today was the pep rally so we got out at like 12 but i had to stay cuz' i was in the dumb pep rally :( haha. but w/e and then i left and came home and was gunna go to the football game with brice but he bailed so i went down there and met up with erin and people and saw brandon and people, just chilled (i had missed 1/2 the game cuz' i thought it started at 4 but it started at 3.. whoopsie..) hahaha. oh well. and then Kendell drove me, erin, kaylee, katherine and some boy i dont know home. it was good stuff. haha. jamming to the old school stuff! yess! we are the girls! hhahaha.. yeh. anyways. it was good stuff... and then i came home and i got the courage to call up kyle and ask him to go for a walk cuz' we realyl need to talk about some stuff.. but just as it always is.. he wasnt there :S. nobody was. Everything is so confusing and stuff. i think me and brice might do something tomorrow but not getting my hopes up this time because he always bails.. :s. whatever its all good. if he does.. jenny and andrea and people want me to go see a movie. so i got back up plans. haha. yay. but yeh. thats about all i have to say. Its been a crazy, hectic week and im so glad its finally friday cuz' im so exhausted. but anyways. yeh..
Love Your Secret Lover,
Ashlyn
Ps: song of the moment= vanessa carlton-rinse.. (its amazing download it.. ) and BYE BYE BOYFREIND YES! download it, its by fee fee dobson)
Posted at 09:16 pm by crazydamage
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4doubleone
x that {GiRL} ASHLYN love me! love me! bah!
x years/young } 16
x (boy) STatz [[SiNGLE]] h0lla :p Time for a change :s
x [d]-day ((february)) 15. 1987.
x {d}rain_drop_luv15@hotmail.{dot}c0m
x shout !GiRLS! v.i.p Sarah,Erin, Kristine, Jess
shout $GUYZ$ Brandon L, Brandon S, Kyle, Justin, Jonny, n many more.
x message; ((you never know what you got until its gone)).. no matter how hard i try to forget you, you'll always be a part of me.. I was blind.. but you were wrong.
Here are some of my poems about my life:
Asshole
The boy everbody liked
So goofy and fun to be with
Thats who used to be
Center of attention
Always wanting more
Partying from day to night
No cares at all
Such a free spirit you were
But that all changed
The day i met you
We were so happy
Then the tears came
The lies began
The pain became unberable
You promised you would always be here for me
Whenever i needed you
You would drop it all
Just to take care of me
How could this ever be true?
When i needed you
Your excuse was SLEEP
YOU ASSHOLE
I loved you
You made me hurt
Spent my life
Getting over you
Forgetting about you
Moving on with my life
Being careful never to give anyone else my whole heart
You had control over me
Tugging at me whenever you felt the need
Promises that were never for real
We finally broke apart
And you left without a trace
Tears were cried for no good reason
Life was wasted over nothing worth the time
You made me believe you were worth me
Months of un-needed sorrow
I finally got through it all
Let go of you
Let go of the pain
Im doing fine
Im doing great
I call you for some help
Out of the blue
I need a friend
Now you tell me you want me back
That you love me
Always have
always will
Well sweetie pie hunny bunch
I've got news for you
Go to hell
YOU ASSHOLE
Things You Never Knew About Me
I never told you my name
Never thought you were worthy of my game
It was all just fun and play
You turned it round on me
I went crazy
I fell hard
You made me fall in love with you
You never knew the truth
Not really who you think i am
Not even close
Dont sit and watch the clock
Anticipating for the end
Sit and watch your eyes
Anticipating for more
You never made me cry
You never made me hurt
Always so happy
When we were together
The love was so strong
I knew it was time
I told you the truth
And i saw the tears in your eyes
I broke your heart
And watched the pain
Erased the love
From your heart
Now we are no more
The lies were just too strong
They made your eyes bleed
Now we are alone
And the lights are all
Burnt out
Just becasue I never told you
What you should have known
Too foolish you see the love
The pain is now too real
Im laying in my bed
Wishing i wasnt such a fool
I played you bad and now were through
The love is dead
Becasue i played
Played the game
Way too wrong.
Uncontrolable Hurt
Im laying in my bed
wakin up i see my ceiling
punch my pillow
shut up
break my window with a broken picture frame
push my bed over
hit the wall
bleeding nuckles
do you care now?
NO!
throw myself down the stairs
hm.. that feels good.
again.
again.
again.
again.
again.
NO!
take you and throw you down the stairs
you leave blood on your way down
HA, i showed you didnt i?
didnt think i could take care of myself
your wrong
your very wrong
your dead
im alive
are you right now?
NO!
im right.
im right.
im right.
it kills me to say
that i dont care
but i dont
you killed me
now your turn to feel pain.
YOU
Somedays when im walking around
you smile at me
like nothing ever happened
and thats what i love
i like to forget about everything
living in the sky like an angel.
People look at me the way they want to
they see only what they want
not what i am
not that i know who i am either
im not perfect
not even close
i put my trust in you
i gave you all of me
you held onto me
all control
you let your mind run away with me
messing with me all the time
it was all a joke to you
you made me trust
you made me care
you made me want you
but you made me hurt
your the one who made my eyes bleed
you stopped me from breathing
you stopped me from living
now you want me back
now that im free
im over you
you want me back
i want you too
but the pain you caused is just too much
id rather die alone
then let you hurt me once more
im sorry.
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